Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
