One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
