I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
