I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
