Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
