is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
