If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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