omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Randomize
