What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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