Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
