Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
