cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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