Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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