she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
