the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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