i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
