who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
