return my video game
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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