my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize