that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
