I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
