I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
