You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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