Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
