My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
