Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
We don't watch enough power rangers
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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