I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
