So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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