I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
