sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
This can only be settled by a dance off.
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