the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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