In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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