If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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