Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I would fuck him just for his dog
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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