My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
We need to get me chipped asap
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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