don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
