He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
