Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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