Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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