My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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