i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
