im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
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