I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
