you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
