I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
