I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
The power of my boobs compel you
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
