The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize