i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
He felt like a one man threesome
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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