the new term for farting is butt boxing.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
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