Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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