This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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