it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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