She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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