you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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