if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
