No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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