I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
