I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
