Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
