i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize