My room smells like vodka and shame
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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