would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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