Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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