I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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