ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
