I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
