Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
