Do vagina's smell?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Randomize
