Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
