I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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