I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
