All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
