she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
