i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
