so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
