so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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