i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize