Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
