it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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