Redeem this text for a blowjob
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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