I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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