Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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