I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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