at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Life without a bra equals bliss.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
