toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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