one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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