A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
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