I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
