How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
