He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
